Hate or Resentment? When Grief Explodes as Anger
December 16th, 2025.
Reader Note:
I want to share this with care: this piece is based on my own lived experience. I am not a professional, and this writing is not meant to replace therapy, medical care, or mental health support. Please take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and prioritize your own well being as you read.
Hate or Resentment? When Grief Explodes as Anger
Resentment is a strong word, one that carries heavy emotion. And with strong emotions come powerful feelings. For me, resentment lives deep in my body, always present, always aware. It feels like it waits for the perfect moment to surface, when I’m beaten down, or even in moments of joy.
It builds slowly. Sometimes you can keep it under control, but once it fully erupts, you feel it every day, even on days that are supposed to be normal. You know what I mean?
I’ll be walking on an ordinary day, and suddenly I start thinking about the walks I used to take with my mom and dad. Then I realize that now, I walk alone. I see a family, a mom and dad, a son and a daughter, laughing, hugging each other. And instantly, I feel something hateful, or something close to it. An emotion so sharp it makes me want to rip the smiles away.
Reflection: Learning What That Feeling Really Is
For a long time, I thought that feeling made me a bad person.
I didn’t understand why seeing happiness in others could make me feel so angry, so bitter, so uncomfortable in my own body. But over time, I realized that what I was feeling wasn’t hate. It was grief. It was longing. It was the pain of wanting something I once had, or something I never got to keep.
That resentment wasn’t showing up to hurt others. It was showing up because something in me was hurting.
Once I stopped judging myself for feeling that way, I could finally start dealing with it. I began letting the feeling exist without feeding it. I stopped trying to shut it down immediately and instead asked myself, What is this really about right now? Most of the time, the answer was loss. Or loneliness. Or wishing my life looked different than it does.
I learned that I don’t have to act on every emotion I feel. I can notice it, name it, and let it pass without letting it turn me into someone I don’t want to be.
What Helped Me Cope
Not Advice. Just What Worked for Me
I’m not a professional, and this isn’t advice, just things that helped me personally:
Naming the feeling instead of fighting it. Saying this is grief softened it.
Letting myself feel sad without shaming myself for it.
Writing it out, even when it felt ugly or uncomfortable.
Limiting comparison, especially on days when I already felt raw.
Reminding myself that other people’s joy doesn’t take away from my future joy, even if it feels like it does in the moment.
Some days I still feel it. The difference now is that I don’t let it control me, and I don’t let it convince me I’m broken. Well….. Not all days. I still wake up everyday trying to fight through this and not let it control me. One day at a time.
If You’re Feeling Something Similar
If this resonates with you, you’re not alone, and you’re not wrong for feeling this way. These are some gentle resources I’ve found helpful or comforting to explore:
Blogs and Articles
Psychology Today – articles on grief, resentment, and emotional processing
The Mighty – personal stories from people navigating loss and complex emotions
Tiny Buddha – reflections on healing, letting go, and self-compassion
Therapy and Mental Health Resources
Therapy Aid Coalition for low cost therapy options
Open Path Psychotherapy Collective
BetterHelp or Talkspace online therapy platforms
Journaling Prompts to Try
What am I actually mourning right now?
What did I need in that moment that I didn’t get?
What can I give myself today instead?
You don’t need to fix yourself. You don’t need to rush healing. Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is acknowledge the feeling, sit with it, and choose not to let it harden you.
If you’re still here, thank you for reading.