The One Tip That Helped Me Survive Christmas Without Parents

ByBrooke

Disclaimer
This post is based on my personal experience with grief and loss. I am not a medical or mental health professional, and this writing is not intended to replace therapy, medical care, or professional support. Please read gently and take breaks if needed.

When Everyone Asks About Your Holiday Plans

Everyone loves the holidays.

At work, they ask you what your fun plans are. What you will be doing. Which family you will be spending time with. They ask you to share photos and stories of your joy.

What they do not know is that they are asking you a question you lost the day your parents died.

There is no loved one to celebrate the holiday with right now.
There is no one to buy a present for.
There is no one to eat a meal with.
There is no one to watch a holiday movie with.

We are utterly alone on a day that is supposed to be full of joy. On a day when we feel none.

People do not understand that holidays are special because of the people around us. When the loved ones go away, so does the enjoyment. The fun. The love. Everything feels gone.

So when we are asked in a team meeting what we are doing for the holidays, we usually lie. We say something like, “Oh just Christmas and dinner,” so we do not have to let people in on our misery. So they do not see that we are drowning.

I See You

But I see you.

I see the drowning. I feel this loss and grief every day of my life too. And because of that, I want to share one of my favorite tips to help you try to survive this holiday with a little less sadness than the last.

Not because it diminishes your loss. It never will. But because maybe, just maybe, you can experience a small moment of joy too if you want to.

Our loved ones would want that for us.

Please read this slowly. You do not have to do it perfectly. You do not have to do all of it. Try one small thing and see how it feels.

We Can Get Through This

We can get through these holidays if we believe that we can.

If we allow ourselves to believe that even with grief, joy can still exist. That with grief, happiness can still find small cracks to come through. That with grief, we can slowly become the people our loved ones would want us to be.

Not overnight. One moment at a time.

One Tip That Helped Me Survive the Holidays

My first tip is simple.

Get out old paper and a pen.

I know, I know. This is the digital age. And still, we are bringing back old fashioned journaling. I talk to myself like my mom would sometimes, and even writing that made me laugh. But stay with me.

Grab a piece of paper and write:

Dear ___
Fill in the name of your loved one.

Once you do that, pause. Take four deep breaths. Inhale slowly, hold it, then exhale. Repeat this four times.

Now set a timer. Five minutes. Ten minutes. Fifteen. Whatever you have time for.

When the timer starts, go into your mind and find the memory that brings you the most joy. The memory where you can still smile. The memory where Christmas or the holiday felt warm and meaningful.

Start writing. Do not worry about grammar. Write and write. Draw. Doodle. Let your mind wander through that memory.

If it becomes too painful, stop. That is okay. You are not failing.

Breathe.

Writing the Letter You Never Got

When you finish, step away for a moment.

Now take the same paper and write:

Dear ___
This time, write your own name.

Write this letter as if your loved one is writing to you. Think about the advice they would give you. The words they would choose. The tone they would use.

Write it all out.

When you are done, read both letters.

Do you notice the difference?

Notice how you speak to yourself compared to how your loved one would speak to you.

Would your mom, dad, sister, grandparent, brother, cousin, or friend want you to hate every holiday? Would they want you to live with a depression you cannot shake?

I am not saying to change your life overnight. I am asking you to consider whether maybe this year you want to feel something other than sadness. Maybe you want to feel just a hint of Christmas joy.

Carry Their Words With You

Now, put away the letter you wrote to your loved one.

Keep only the letter they wrote to you.

Read it again. Carry it with you during this season. Take it out when you feel empty. When you feel like there is nothing to look forward to.

Bring it with you when you go grab a coffee. Sit in a decorated coffee shop. People watch. Think about what your loved one would be like sitting there with you. You would be laughing. Smiling. Feeling the holiday together.

They would never want your joy to leave just because they did.

You Are Not Alone

We are here with you.

You are not alone.

I hear you. I see you. I understand that grief is always present, and survival comes second.

But maybe, as survivors, we can try living just a little more too.

Let us try one new thing together. As a community. And get through this season together.

Helpful Video To Listen To For Holiday Grief

Author note: I watch this when I need to hear more of a Therapists approach. I tend to isolate myself, and need to watch this to keep going.

You Are Not Alone This Christmas

If you are the person who cannot call mom or dad this Christmas, this space is for you. Your pain is real. Your story matters.

You are still allowed to want more from life. You are allowed to build new traditions. You are allowed to create a holiday that feels softer and kinder to your grieving heart.

This year, let us try just once to do one small thing that reminds us of joy, and let us give ourselves permission to feel whatever comes with it.

You are not alone, even if it feels that way.

Disclaimer: This section shares peer-driven grief resources for support and connection. These are not professional mental health, medical, or crisis services. If you are struggling to function, having thoughts of self-harm, or feel unsafe, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional or a crisis line in your area.

Helpful Peer Driven Online Supports for Holiday Grief

If the holidays feel especially heavy, these peer-driven grief resources may offer comfort, understanding, or a sense of connection. They are spaces where people who are grieving can feel less alone.

r/GriefSupport (Reddit Community) (https://www.reddit.com/r/GriefSupport/)
A large, supportive Reddit community where people share their experiences with loss. Many users post during the holidays, which can make this space feel especially relatable if you are struggling with seasonal grief.

r/ChildrenofDeadParents (Reddit Community) (https://www.reddit.com/r/ChildrenofDeadParents/) A supportive Reddit space specifically for people who have lost one or both parents, often at a young age. This community is dedicated to sharing experiences, emotional support, and understanding with others who truly get what it means to have no parents, whether the loss happened recently or many years ago. Members talk about everything from daily grief to navigating major life events without parents, including holidays, birthdays, milestones, and long‑term identity challenges.

Free Holiday Grief Zoom Talks by David Kessler (https://www.davidkesslertraining.com/holiday-grief-support)
David Kessler, a grief educator and author, often hosts free or low-cost virtual talks during the holidays. These sessions focus on navigating grief in meaningful, compassionate ways and are frequently recommended in peer communities.

Untold App (Journaling and Guided Reflections) (Download or access on your browser.)
Untold is a grief-focused app offering journaling prompts, reflections, and meditations. Many people use it as a private space to process emotions when talking feels too hard.

My Grief Angels (https://www.mygriefangels.org/)
A peer support platform that offers one-on-one chats and group spaces for people experiencing loss. They also host holiday-specific support groups, which can be helpful if you want connection during painful seasons. So many support groups on this website.

The Dinner Party (https://www.thedinnerparty.org/)
A peer-led grief support organization that hosts small group gatherings, both virtual and in person, for adults who have lost close loved ones. These spaces focus on connection rather than fixing, and many people find them comforting around the holidays.

What Helps You Cope with Holidays Without Parents?

The holidays can feel especially heavy when you’ve lost your parents, and everyone around you seems to be celebrating. But you are not alone in this.

💬 Take a moment for yourself: Share one way you cope with the holidays in the comments below. It could be a small tradition you did, a memory, a recipe, or even just a feeling you want to express.

By sharing, you not only honor your loved ones, but you also help others feel seen and supported. Let’s create a space where parentless adults can connect, comfort each other, and find a little light in the season.

With support,
Brooke
A child who still needs her parents.

Similar Posts